


One Look, Dark Room

by Backtogiality



Category: Choices - Fandom, Choices: Open Heart, Open Heart (Visual Novel)
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Dr Ramsey, Dr. Ramsey, Ethan - Freeform, Ethan Ramsey - Freeform, Ethan Ramsey X MC - Freeform, Ethan X MC, F/M, Fanfiction, Love, Romance, Song: You Are In Love (Taylor Swift), Songfic, open heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-19 16:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19136521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Backtogiality/pseuds/Backtogiality
Summary: After an exchange on a difficult day, Amelia and Ethan are forced to admit that they may feel more for each other than they let on. Based on the Taylor Swift song, You Are In Love. The first four lines which inspired me are listed below.One look, dark room,Meant just for you,Time moved too fast,You play it back.





	One Look, Dark Room

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on my tumblr! I’m posting fanfiction:
> 
> Https://www.tumblr.com/blog/georgiathemartian

Darkness is the first thing she notices when she half-staggers into the office, not even bothering to knock. Bittersweet is the lingering smell of coffee; as her eyes adjust, she sees the numerous, discarded to-go cups littering the desk. That explains things. If she had any time, she’d be drowning her sorrows its comfort as well.

Various certificates and accolades decorate the walls, celebrating the successes of her attending. Just two months ago she had been a wide-eyed intern beginning her first year as a doctor. Back then, she would have been able to stare at the gold lettering on each all day, dreaming of one day earning awards just like her idol. Now, she fights the out of place urge to laugh - now, she understands the cost of it all.

Her hands shake uncontrollably as she approaches him, the resultant rustling of paper alerting him to her presence. “Ethan?” She addresses him quietly; formal titles are useless tonight. They don’t mean anything to her anymore.

She dares to glance at him. He’s tired. No, not tired - exhausted. Dark circles surround his eyes which peer curiously at her in the dim light, betraying the lack of sleep all doctors experience. Red rimmed, she notes. Something’s been keeping him up, then. Deep frown lines seem to be permanently etched into his forehead; with the addition of these he looks years older than he should. Sometimes she wonders if he ever sleeps, since on some days he runs purely on coffee. It appears that this is one of those days.

Dr. Ramsey stares at her blankly for a moment, as if he hasn’t registered the calling of his own name. Usually, he would berate her (or any other intern) for using his first name, but to her surprise, he says nothing. Instead, his eyes scan over her face as he finally registers that there may be something wrong.

“What happened?” He asks, asserting himself suddenly. Realising he may have sounded a little harsh, he softens his tone. “You’ve not killed anybody, have you?”

It was supposed to be a rare joke, something to cheer her up a little, but when she falls into the chair opposite him, he knows. How could he be so stupid? Her sobs are stifled, the sound of each catching in her throat. Despite his reputation, he isn’t heartless. He hates it, he hates knowing that he has caused her pain. Trembling hands pass him a sheet of paper, and he doesn’t have to look to know what it is. Their hands brush ever so slightly but they ignore the contact, more focused on the matter at hand.

Filling out a death certificate for the first time was perhaps the worst day of his career. He tries not to let the memory infiltrate his mind, but it does often. He had needed to rewrite his signature twice because he couldn’t even write his name properly. The look of disappointment from his attending at the time had been too much for him to handle, and he can remember standing alone outside of the hospital until the end of his shift, not returning to the next, or the one after that. As a doctor, he had hoped to be a visionary, to be saving lives daily - not watching them end, powerless to stop nature. The experience was sobering, and it still bothers him to this day.

His coldness is learned - he is warm when he needs to be, for his patients, but being otherwise detached is best for his work. It prevents him from being worn down, prevents him from being burned again. By this time, he knows all too well the faces of the interns after the death of a patient. Stories and medical dramas do little to prepare an intern for their first brush with death. The first loss always seems to scar.

It seems that this is Amelia’s first scar.

Silence hangs limply in the air between them as neither knows what to say. No words are exchanged for many moments, but the lack of them is telling.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Ethan says eventually, because he just knows it isn’t. Dr. Valentine is the most promising intern he’s seen in years, even if he won’t tell her that. From the first day he met her, he knew that she had the potential to be something truly special. If anything, he knows now that is honoured to have been with her for her first case.

Tears still streaming down her face, she removes her head from her hands and stares at them as they clench into fists. His heart aches. Why won’t she look at him?

“It was Coby. His parents couldn’t get there in time. H-he held my hand as he died, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, even though he n-needed it. I feel so selfish!” she chokes on the words, and they make eye contact for the first time. “Why couldn’t I look at him?”

He winces, holding back his own tears: the little boy on the fifth floor was a favourite patient of his, and he had been particularly fond of the intern. Coby’s smile was infectious, brightening Ethan’s day whenever they met. Their shared eye colour often meant that the little five year old would compare them, commenting shyly that they could be brothers. That always made him laugh. He could always be found holding a toy car, or dinosaur, and never once complained about his illness, despite the immeasurable pain it must have brought him. God, if there was one person that deserved the world, it was Coby!

“I’m sorry,” his reply is simple. “Having you there with him brought him more comfort that you can imagine. He loved you.”

She shook her head aggressively. “I didn’t deserve his love! I could feel his eyes on me, he was practically begging me to look at him, and I didn’t. Being a doctor isn’t what I thought it would be,” she smiles ruefully, and Ethan looks away, unable to stand it.

“I thought I could make a difference here. I thought that I’d be something! And I was for a while. I helped Rowan and Willow when they didn’t have insurance, I solved Annie’s case - I’ve done everything I can to be a good doctor. None of that matters now! None of it matters, because he’s gone and I’ve failed! I’ve failed…” Her last sentence is nothing more than a whisper, but it’s enough to pull Ethan back to reality, away from a time when he felt exactly the same way.

“Look at me.” His words are a quiet command, but when she disregards it, he reaches out to touch her shoulder.

“If you’re quitting now, you’re not the doctor I think you are.” The words aren’t much, but they’re enough to get her to meet his eyes, and to be shocked at the fire she sees in them. There’s tenderness there, buried somewhere deep in his expression. But the passion is overwhelming, unadulterated - consuming the ice of his irises and sending her mind reeling. His stare carries an almost unbearable weight, and yet she can’t bring herself to look away.

“I mean it. I know I don’t express it, but ever since you’ve been here you’ve made a bigger difference than all of the other interns put together! You’ve connected with your patients, and you truly care about them. It’s not just work to you,” he continues, determined to finish. “Rookie, Coby isn’t the only patient you’re going to lose. There will be many you can’t save…and that’s why you have to focus on the ones you can.”

“Well-” she begins, but he cuts her off with a steely glare.

“I’m not done yet. There aren’t many doctors that I can say are completely devoted to making the world a better place, but you are. Coby might be gone, and there’s nothing I can say or do to fix that. But your other patients aren’t. Annie, Willow, the woman we saved on your very first day? They all needed you. There will be so many more patients that will need you, and you’re going to throw that away? Hell, I need you! God help me, I need you…and if you quit now, that will be the real failure,” He takes a deep breath as he ends his speech, attempting to gauge Amelia’s reaction.

For a moment, she is unable to say anything, dumbstruck. Her lips part slightly, pink and full and he internally curses when he catches himself staring at them.

“Thank you, Dr. Ramsey,” is all she manages to say, but he can tell she is moved. There are pools of tears gathering in her eyes, accentuating their ocean blue hue. He knows he really shouldn’t stare; she might catch him. He can’t be gazing so longingly at his interns.

And so, in an attempt to divert his attention from her, he checks his watch.

It’s 3am.

“I’d better go,” She wipes her tears away and stands, albeit shakily at first.

Before she leaves the room she stops at the doorway, catching his eye.

“Get out, Rookie,” His tone is teasing, but his face tells another story. The corners of his mouth slowly turn up and soon enough a crooked smile is directed at her, conveying a softness she’s never seen from Dr. Ramsey before. It brings peace to her, even at such a late hour and after such a harrowing day. The darkness blanketing the room no longer feels foreboding or gloomy, but tranquil - even hopeful. Amelia finds herself returning the smile before she even thinks about it, so caught up in the gentle exchange that she nearly forgets to leave.

Stepping out into the bright, artificial lights of the corridor, she is momentarily blinded. There is only one thought keeping her grounded, and that is the thought of the look in his eyes as she was leaving. That is something she won’t be forgetting anytime soon, if ever.

Ethan listens intently to the sound of her shoes hitting the floor as she walks away, desperate to extend the moment as much as he can. When she looked at him like that, there was no fellowship, no work, no wondering what Harper or Naveen would say - there was just comfort. He can’t get any closer to Dr. Valentine, but he can sure as well cherish what he already has. For now, that’s enough for him.


End file.
